TO FLY OR NOT TO FLY.....

I stand accused of laziness and I plead erm well lets jus say I contest this allegation strongly, well I was going to write about how Miss took a solo flying lesson on an icy Monday morning that was a couple of weeks back. Lakini I have a question, what does one feel according to most people in a near death experience? See I was in an accident f sorts, we were traveling to another town and there was a blizzard and we lost control in the highway and did around 3 360 degree spins on a two lane highway. Apart from sharp in takes of breath no one screamed and when we came to a stop we just did a 3 point turn and off we were. We were lucky because due to the blizzard cars were really far spaced and everyone was keeping their distance. Our driver went into around 5 minutes of shaky laughter and rumblings one of the other gals went mute sitting erect and looking straight ahead. Another held on to the coat rack****you know the thing that people weka their jackets and hang it hapo ehe that one**** and me this is what puzzles me I felt nada apart from the first instance where there was just a tint jolt of WHAT THE HELL!!!! Don’t get me wrong the adrenalin rush was massive. The whole episode has my pal the driver thinking me needs to see a shrink ama get some religious guidance coz death is scary according to her. Personally I think death should not be scary at all, so that is what I had really wanted to ask, what is your take on death? And do you agree of disagree with me that when people morn the dead it’s a selfish act. I say this because if say they morn because the deceased left them, isn’t that they morn for their own loss and not that of the deceased? Also why is it so rare to find a person who can smile when they remember a dead relative, friend sibling parent etc. Does death over shadow the rest of their whole life?


On to “lighter” matters well in my last post I introduced you guys to Miss X, the diva extreme well on a certain very icy Monday during the lunch break as I was sitting gulping down my coffee and many donuts****if you ask me that is a healthy lunch****** Miss X was walking back if you ask me she looked like she had been feeding on goat hooves its the only time you see her smiling as she walks back to work, well in this day she had a very broad smile and a swagger of sort to her walk you know the am giddy happy kind where people walk with light steps that exudes to the outsides. Let me just say yani she looked transformed this was the mama that will suck teeth and keep sucking for like a full minute yeah mpaka you think all the saliva is finished na the mdomo has been turned into a miniature sahara desert. Well as she was walking gaily on air the worst thing that can ever happen to a diva happened to my dear Miss X wacha I tell you, one leg did those karete moves where the leg tries to do a 90 degree angle to the waist yeah that one but Miss X in all her voluptuousness could not handle that so the other leg followed the first one. In that instance it was her first flying lesson and flew she did I KID YOU NOT!!! Yani because of the body mass she was flung erm I mean flew a short distance. Here comes my confessions the confession of a mad crazy mind see when Miss X was in the air from the minute her first leg t its first karate lesson to the minute she mad contact with earth everything kinda moved in slow motion so in my mind this is how it played out coz I was wondering what she was thinking the whole time****don’t judge me pwiissssss***

Oh I looks so good today yes I do (first leg flies up wards) OH dear God who is that screaming (it was her btw second leg goes up)”Houston we have achieved lift off” some one catch me**teeth sucking I mean major teeth sucking**** and then there is Houston flight is in danger mayday!!!! mayday!!!! Houston flight cannot be sustained I repeat cannot be sustained Houston we are going dowwwwwwwwwwwwn” AAAAAAAAAAAAAA*insert shocked scream**

That scream shocked me back to reality and I had to run to washroom and laugh in there coz some old lady was giving me the evil eye when I started to laugh papo hapo**always wanted to say that*** Miss X if ever you come across this page and read it pliz pretty pliz you can do anything but take it to heart it was funny if you had been me you would have laughed too, see I knew you would be a good sport and understand.

NEW START?

Well i have been kinda quite for a while and i have a very good reason, see its a new job and that means new rules to adjust to, new people to deal with, new ways to work.......trying to figure out how you can incooperate you uni work as you work, yani its like multitasking to the max. It turns out "they" my employers had another idea yani its milk her for all she has before she decides to flee, flee you ask??? wacha i tell you why you would want to flee. Have you ever been just sitting in your ka offisi and next thing kuna vyoo(glass) ya gari zina ***i lie*** it was windscreens and bonnets, yeah you got it right watu walikuwa wana pigana" and there was the "No weapons allowed on premises" after kuuliza i get told ati kuna msee alikam na chuma(gun), and since then i have been seriously thinking of tendering my resgination. Alafu kuna the thing with all the damn youth vuating bangi yani mpaka you wonder if the smell is left on you nguo.

OK am done ranting.

On vale after the meeting people just sat around ehe coz ni vale and people should just sit and talk kubaff wote, so we sat with coffee mugs(mine looks like a birika) that was me and greg***the addicts**** the rest na maji, i say to heck with water is good for you. Wacha i stop digressing, so watu were talking about how women expect men to treat them all princessy and buy kila kitu, so this mama whom i shall not name for fear of getting sat on. Have you ever met someone and you jua mess with 'em and next thing yani hata wathii wount hear you screams, well this mama is that kind, and her thayos eish they can crack a peannut, yani that's how close and well built they are(Nani if you read this all that was said as a compliment).

This mama, as watu were busy yapping about how no ati they aint the kinda gal who expects to be pampered she was all quite and had something sort of a sneer on her face, and then she sucks her teeth si u jua how people just go something like msssshhhhhqhhs(aki that is how i think it should be written down). I and the rest of the group turn to look and kila mtu knows this habit if hers, so there is me looking at her with shock and awe mainly coz she was sucking so hard i was waiting to see her lips give in to the sanction. BTW that did not happen, and she says " eh me?? me Miss X NOOOO my man has to treat me Good" and then went back to sucking teeth. Yani its straight face hakuna kicheko well not from her atleast the rest of us were busy cluthing our ribs. Some dude ask's her why and she reply's with some more sucking and a very loud unplesant EH!!!!!. Someone told her if she expects that, she had better be ready to say how high when she gets asked to jump, Miss X hands akimbo says "who me? index finger on the udders she stole from some freshian(sp)***some sucking**** I DON'T THINK SO". There were people on the floor laughing coz this mama would talk and weka sura ya kazi like concrete i tell you.

BTW this post is work in progress and since saa hii sina tyme i shall maliza kesho.But there is this here gem that i patad as i was cleaning out my mail.

POOR JABU.

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him
about it. Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small
miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the
same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you
sleeping?' Then I say 'no' and then he donners me and
gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks
again, keep dead quiet and don?t answer". The
following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is
fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.

But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black
eye again.

"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are
you sleeping?... and I shut up and kept dead still.
Then my father and my mother started doing... you
know, mos... 'IT' on the bed. Then my father asks my
mother: 'Are you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes I'm
coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered ...
'Yes'.

Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and
said 'wait for me, I'm also coming, let me just put on
my shoes!' THAT'S WHEN I WAS MOERED!!!"